My first post on this blog was about a ridiculous movie about weddings based on absurd traditional gender roles called “Bride Wars.” Ironically, it co-starred one of my favorite actresses, Anne Hathaway. What’s even more ironic, is that the movie, “Rachel Getting Married,” that I actually loved, based on it’s realistic depictions of families during weddings, stars Anne Hathaway. I guess she had to pay the bills by making a movie like “Bride Wars.”
“Rachel Getting Married” resembles a life I’m all too familiar with. It showcases a family going through a wedding, and all of the co-dependence that is revealed with a member recovering from addiction. I think the most profound part about it was the appearance of family politics and unresolved issues flaring during a wedding. That’s what’s realistic about this movie, and how a wedding really goes. It’s not about the detailed cocktail napkins or what type of cake they’re serving. It’s about relationships. A wedding isn’t about the superficial, it’s partly about a new family springing up by joining two families.
The main character, Kym, gets released from rehab for the weekend of her sister Rachel’s wedding. As soon as she starts the journey home, her past of alcohol and drug abuse confronts her at a pit stop in a convenience store. The rest of the movie features Kym’s transgressions brought back up by herself and her family. This isn’t a bad thing, because the addict’s life is like a tornado that roars through the lives of others. Wrongs they have committed should be brought up and discussed in a healthy, healing way, but sometimes people aren’t ready to own up to what they’ve done or are willing to forgive others. That’s the issue this movie confronts. No real healing ever takes place in the story. It ends with little resolution, and that may be an unhappy ending, but that’s the way it usually goes.
The film weaves it’s way through the two days leading up to the wedding, the day of, and the day after. We’re thrown into family favoritism, Kym’s dad is definitely more willing to justify her behavior than be there for Rachel. He’s also one of the co-dependents that tries to manage Kym’s life, because he doesn’t trust her ability to do it herself which is also demeaning paternalism. Rachel and Kym’s parents are divorced, and their mother, who lives in town, is unwilling to be any sort of emotional support for either of the daughters. Can anybody else relate to family members who are not willing to get out of their own heads or lives to be there for a large event?
The film is appropriately titled, because that is the event. Although, Kym, the addict, is the star of the film. It reflects the newly recovered addict’s inability to think of others while sifting through their own mistakes and pursuit of healing. Rachel is the member of the family who is making the committment. She is also the one who is always there to pick up the pieces after Kym has screwed something up again. That’s their dynamic. Kym has a difficult time blending in the background while everyone focuses their attention on the couple for the weekend. This accumulates in several arguments and Kym attempting to make 9th Step ammends at the rehearsal dinner during her “toast.” It’s obviously misguided and insincere as an attempt to make things right with someone would be when you, once again, refocus the attention on yourself while everyone is shining their praise on two people getting married.
Oh, the joys of weddings. Love and jealousy abound when celebrations are thrown in the honor of a couple getting their relationship legally recognized by the government. Some people cannot stand the idea of being lost in the crowd that has gathered to recognize the union, and when someone is an alcoholic who, self centered to the extreme, cannot be one of many conflict arises.
I loved “Rachel Getting Married,” because it focused on the inability for some people to truly be there for others. When a wedding day is supposed to be happy and celebratory of love, egos flare extraordinarily. This has been the most disheartening experience through the wedding process for me; appeasing the ego gods.
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